Hi ,

There has been no missive since the PMB to Durban jaunt.

And what a jaunt it was.

Over 800 paddlers taking to the water at Camps Drift.

The race did not disappoint with regard to competitive excitement, as well as enjoyable conditions for all.

My race predictions were half way correct. Andy Birkett and Dave Evans putting together a clinical performance to triumph over the day 1 leaders, Thulani Mbanjwa and Msawenkosi Mtolo who finished some 8 minutes off the pace at the end, but around 7 minutes ahead of bronze medallists Sbonelo Khwela and Nqobile Makhanya.

In the woman's race, a near flawless performance by Abby Solms and Bianca Haw saw them capitalise on a few weaknesses by runners up Jordan Peek and Christie Mackenzie, finishing over 10 minutes clear. The bronze medal position was decided at the gala at the pumphouse weir and rapid, with Bridgitte Hartley and Pippa McGregor managing to keep their boat in one piece, but finishing around 40 minutes behind second.

Some impressive performances from the juniors resulting in my offspring, Joshua, managing to pull off a win, together with Jack Shooter (22nd overall), closely followed by Matt Coetzer and Ben Maehler (27th overall). The junior girls crown going to Jessica Behn and Jenna Goddard from Melonie Croeser and Amy Hulett.

Paddlers were treated to almost perfect racing conditions, with cloudy skies and an adequately full river, contributing to their enjoyment.

Once again, accolades to the organisers and sponsors (MyLife) for putting on such a successful event, under difficult conditions, with covid, hyacinth and E.coli levels all presenting a challenge.

With the Drak and the Dusi behind us, all eyes are on the Umko, as the next major paddling event on the calendar.

The river has been running at sublime levels for the past few weeks.

This weekend is the informal "non stop" event on Saturday (Hella Hella to Riverside), and the Nyala Pans to St. Elmo's on Sunday.

I will make my annual appeal to all of those "not so intrepid" souls, who have been procrastinating about taking the plunge (not literally) and committing to at least one Umko.

All you need is one finish on a medium to full river to turn you into a convert and you will be able to join the band of war story tellers in the corner of the clubhouse bar, for years to come.

You have 2 and a half weeks to pluck up the courage.

Time for some admin matters.

1. Nomination forms have been placed on the CSA website for a number of national teams, including, Surfski, Marathon, World Sprint Champs, Junior and U23 World Sprint Champs. CHECK UNDER THE DISCIPLINE TABS ON THE MAIN MENU.
So, if you think that green and gold matches your hair, rush off and complete the forms.
2. The CSA marathon committee is looking for the services of a manager for the SA team that will be travelling to Portugal in September. The position is unpaid, but the majority of travel and accommodation costs to the event are covered. The position involves a significant amount of work, before, during, and after the event. Previous experience of travelling with the team would be a benefit. Any interested parties need to contact me at sg@canoesa.org.za .
3. We have been doing some admin on our national colours list. We have 3 names that were handed down to Oom Giel Van Deventer when he originally started to compile the history for the federation. Unfortunately, no year, nor discipline was reflected next to their names. We would like to clear up the anomaly. So, if anyone can throw some light onto the following individuals, please let me know: Bronwyn Richards, Hayden Sommer, H. Vorster. I would hate to cross them off the list if they have actually received them.

That's all for this week
Later
Copper 1111

No joke this week but a very humorous account of an unsuspecting judge at a curry eating competition.
Many of you will have seen it before.
I dug it out of my archives, and still had tears in my eyes before I had finished reading it.
I tried to temper the original without losing the gist.
It might get me into trouble again, but here goes:

For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is. They actually have a Curry cook-off about June/July. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB.
Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.
Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy mackerel, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
CURRY #2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who Wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting wasted from all the beer.
CHILLI # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?
CHILLI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chilli peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I passed wind and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really annoys me that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.  
CHILLI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I cannot trust wind at this time. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore.
CHILLI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILLI # 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 passed wind, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot curry?
Judge # 3 - No Report.